My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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