I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
