Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
