guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
