Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
