Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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