just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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