Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
