Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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