Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize