mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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