wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
