you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize