Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
