his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
