Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
