just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
