he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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