I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
