You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We're too hungover to prance.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
