That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
