first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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