i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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