So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
