So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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