hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize