Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
