Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
