I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
