He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
