I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize