Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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