this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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