Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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