Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
