Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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