come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
