What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
