her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
