We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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