Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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