I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
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My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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