Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
