No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
