I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He shit in the fireplace
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
