Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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