wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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