I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
honey bunches of taint.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize