I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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