I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
