It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
