Buhtt sex?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
