I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
