So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
