You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
