there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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