he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
