May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
