Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
