when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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