Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
