I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
