You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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