dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
