the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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