note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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