Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
