Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
