She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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