your parents love me but you hate me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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