it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
